Broken

Hi, I'm Amanda and I've been broken.

Not just once... more times than I can remember, or even want to.

I am blessed though, so thankful for the life I've been given. I'll explain here so you understand what I mean.

I've never gotten to a place where I wanted to give up on everything. Thankfully I've always had the strength of others around me to lift me up and lead me back to the place I know I can be fixed.

Broken people search for the thing that can fix them. I could list a string of places people turn to for retreat from pain and in times of desperation.

- drugs
- alcohol
- false love
- sex
- cutting
- making everything a joke
- isolation
- perfectionism
- controlling their bodies to the point of disorder and obsession
- eating
- i'm sure there are more...

It's easy to find temporal solutions to the pain we so often feel.

It's easy to fall into a place where all these things are found.

But unfortunately, it's not really easy living a life void of morality. A life void of God.

It's so easy to get wound into the bondage that is offered as a temporal consolation but that is unfortunately exactly what you receive as payment for that reprieve. Bondage.

Here I'd like to offer my thoughts on the subject of laying brokenness in the hands of God.

The truth is that you can't do something that you don't know how to do, right? I mean, most of what we do from day-to-day is something that we have either a) done before OR b) something someone has suggested we try.

Who are the ones you connect most easily with in hard times? People who have gone through the same thing you are going through... and whether what they've done worked or not, chances are, you'll give it a shot.

Problem is, even the most well-intentioned people, the fact remains, hurt people end up hurting people.

The times in my life I have found peace and refuge have not been the times I've run to everyone and everything but God. I think that total dependence on God is a misconceived notion by those who have not experienced Christ's healing and peace.

When Jesus died on the cross, he was beaten, broken, mocked and shamed. Why would God allow all these things to happen to His Son? I mean seriously. A loving God who would allow His one and only Son go through all this. There had to be a reason.

The concept of atonement is found in many religions, and in the Bible, before Jesus died on the Cross, it was necessary to sacrifice animals to atone for the sin that lived among the people. The only way to God was through sacrifice and death. The catch with all this is that the animals they sacrificed were imperfect... like us. Therefore there was a constant need for this process of sacrifice to repeat.

Jesus, unlike us, was spotless. Sinless. Perfect in every way. He was God's Son. Born of the virgin Mary. If there could only be one perfect sacrifice, there would never be a need for sacrifice again.

Jesus was that solution... He is the solution to our cycle of broken.

He was broken for us.

We are healed because He was broken in our place.

It is totally impossible for us to ever fully comprehend the extent of the grace God extends to us... because we are human. Our minds cannot fully conceive the nature of God.

A few years ago I ran across Isaiah 40:28 verse at a very low point. I felt condemned, broken, hurt and totally unworthy of God's love.

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding noone can fathom."

Did you catch it? understanding NOONE can fathom.

Seriously, for me that's like God saying, "hold up, you have no idea what I'm capable of. I feel everything you do. I know what you're feeling better than you do. And I get it."

This realization literally brings me to my knees and often to tears. Realizing that I have found a God so unbelievably relevant and concerned with me. His love is amazing. He cares about the silly things that I care about. Every.Single.One.



I'll leave you with this. I can't help but remain breathless in the majesty of our God. The one who came down from his place in Heaven to break his only Son that we might have a chance at living a life redeemed of sin and brokenness.

I serve an amazing God...