Wednesday, October 28, 2009

the trees spill gold

Over the last couple months my life has been constantly changing... so many things have happened. I've made some big decisions, the kind that totally turn you around and make a few unexpected turns along the way. I decided to stay in NY and not make a big move to another state, but I did decide to move.

the driveway from my own poem

Now, when I walk to my front door, this is what I see. I am in love with this house and yard. The apartment itself leaves a little to be desired ;) but hey, I can't have it all at once now can i?

I've debated putting pictures of the inside up, but am going to wait until I have finished some of the decorating. I have some very specific ideas so it's not like I'm wondering what to do, it's just taking some time. So once I get it finished up, I will share pictures.

beautifully imperfect

Other than moving though, there have been other changes. And it feels weird to just blurt it out here on my blog, but I've started seeing the most amazing guy. We've been dating since my birthday a few weeks ago and in all sincerity I am totally falling for him. I used to think about what this time in my life would be like, but I never imagined it would be this great.

and the sun shone through

Everything is different now... and when everything was changing near the end of the summer, I wasn't sure how ready I was for it.

Change is hard.

It takes you out of the comfort you may have found in the place you were in.

gold spilling from their tips

But there is peace in the change when you know God is leading you...

It was so hard for me to make this move from home to a new place... and I thought I would be alone.

But I should have known better. The first few days in the new house I had no internet and woke up to silence in the morning light. Such a peace filled my heart and I knew then that I would not be alone even when noone was here.

God knows me so well... and timing is everything with Him. I haven't been or felt alone in this first month away from my family.

once it was fall

Each time I look out the window and see all these leaves changing I can't help but sigh on the inside and thank the Lord for the different seasons He brings upon us. In life and in our hearts.

I am so thankful for the way He's been leading me and that He's guided me into a new season of life that is so much better than I ever thought it could be.


Monday, October 26, 2009


People say that Orchids are hard to care for,
An urban legend that swirls around those bright
Beautiful red, blue, orange, pink, yellow, dark light
Flowered goddesses that
Lean and lounge sensually from every
Elite doorstep, every corporate hallway
And are so often looked past in florist's windows because
A vicious reputation precedes them.


Yet my orchids grow, wild and fair
With hardly a care from me almost-
Green hands, reaching, floating,
Dripping down their own stems
Filling the world of my room with
Such an effortless exotic grace and

Orchids are women, a female flower
Then women are orchids as well?
Women are lush, curved, open and pinked
Sometimes blooming, sometimes waiting
Catching the sunlight as it dapples in
White yellow spots on our shiny leaves,
Stems and buds.

People say that women can be hard to care for,
An urban legend that swirls around our
Long hair and pointed shoes,
Everyday goddesses that
Lean and lounge and work and play
And hurt and cry and love and laugh
And try and fail and try and win and
Hope and pray and want and need and
Walk past you, day in and day out
Searching for a place or a way to set down
Our own roots, our own strength

In an world that sighs and says
"They are pretty, but too much work... I'll take
A peace lily instead."


original source for poem found here

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


On Sunday I drove down to Naples with Andrea and the kiddos, we went to a u-pick vineyard.


I made a grape pie two weeks ago, but am feeling the crunch to make another :) this time it won't leak everywhere and be a generally soupy mess. Ahh well, it tasted good!


Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Is it time for fall?

apple pie

Oh yes, it is :)


Friday, October 9, 2009


Hi, I'm Amanda and I've been broken.

Not just once... more times than I can remember, or even want to.

I am blessed though, so thankful for the life I've been given. I'll explain here so you understand what I mean.

I've never gotten to a place where I wanted to give up on everything. Thankfully I've always had the strength of others around me to lift me up and lead me back to the place I know I can be fixed.

Broken people search for the thing that can fix them. I could list a string of places people turn to for retreat from pain and in times of desperation.

- drugs
- alcohol
- false love
- sex
- cutting
- making everything a joke
- isolation
- perfectionism
- controlling their bodies to the point of disorder and obsession
- eating
- i'm sure there are more...

It's easy to find temporal solutions to the pain we so often feel.

It's easy to fall into a place where all these things are found.

But unfortunately, it's not really easy living a life void of morality. A life void of God.

It's so easy to get wound into the bondage that is offered as a temporal consolation but that is unfortunately exactly what you receive as payment for that reprieve. Bondage.

Here I'd like to offer my thoughts on the subject of laying brokenness in the hands of God.

The truth is that you can't do something that you don't know how to do, right? I mean, most of what we do from day-to-day is something that we have either a) done before OR b) something someone has suggested we try.

Who are the ones you connect most easily with in hard times? People who have gone through the same thing you are going through... and whether what they've done worked or not, chances are, you'll give it a shot.

Problem is, even the most well-intentioned people, the fact remains, hurt people end up hurting people.

The times in my life I have found peace and refuge have not been the times I've run to everyone and everything but God. I think that total dependence on God is a misconceived notion by those who have not experienced Christ's healing and peace.

When Jesus died on the cross, he was beaten, broken, mocked and shamed. Why would God allow all these things to happen to His Son? I mean seriously. A loving God who would allow His one and only Son go through all this. There had to be a reason.

The concept of atonement is found in many religions, and in the Bible, before Jesus died on the Cross, it was necessary to sacrifice animals to atone for the sin that lived among the people. The only way to God was through sacrifice and death. The catch with all this is that the animals they sacrificed were imperfect... like us. Therefore there was a constant need for this process of sacrifice to repeat.

Jesus, unlike us, was spotless. Sinless. Perfect in every way. He was God's Son. Born of the virgin Mary. If there could only be one perfect sacrifice, there would never be a need for sacrifice again.

Jesus was that solution... He is the solution to our cycle of broken.

He was broken for us.

We are healed because He was broken in our place.

It is totally impossible for us to ever fully comprehend the extent of the grace God extends to us... because we are human. Our minds cannot fully conceive the nature of God.

A few years ago I ran across Isaiah 40:28 verse at a very low point. I felt condemned, broken, hurt and totally unworthy of God's love.

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding noone can fathom."

Did you catch it? understanding NOONE can fathom.

Seriously, for me that's like God saying, "hold up, you have no idea what I'm capable of. I feel everything you do. I know what you're feeling better than you do. And I get it."

This realization literally brings me to my knees and often to tears. Realizing that I have found a God so unbelievably relevant and concerned with me. His love is amazing. He cares about the silly things that I care about. Every.Single.One.

sailboats on the lake at sunset

I'll leave you with this. I can't help but remain breathless in the majesty of our God. The one who came down from his place in Heaven to break his only Son that we might have a chance at living a life redeemed of sin and brokenness.

I serve an amazing God...


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