goodbye 2009

01. Where did you begin 2009? at TJ's house with some of my favorite people and drinking lots of sparkling grape juice :D

02. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before? Got engaged!

03. What was your status by Valentine’s Day? single. i don't remember anything about valentines day last year ha!

04. Were you in school (anytime this year)? just andy's preschool ;)

05. How did you earn your money? still as a nanny and then also with my photography. I started doing weddings this year and since June I've only been doing photography as my living

06. Did you have to go to the hospital? only once that i remember and it was to visit a friend

07. Did you have any encounters with the police? just your standard speeding tickets ;)

08. Where did you go on holidays? stayed at home for Easter, 4th of july in maryland with my brother's family, thanksgiving and Christmas at home and at Steve's :)

09. What did you purchase that was over $1000? my amazing computer!

10. Did you know anybody who got married? Melissa and Jim, Em and Nate, Evan and Taryn

11. Did you know anyone that passed away? Steve's grandpa, but I had never actually met him :(

12. Did you know anyone who had a baby? quite a few people actually, but noone i'm particularly close to... ahem, MELISSA!

13. Did you move? yes actually! to an apartment of my own :)

14. What concerts/shows did you go to? none, not so much a concert type of girl

15. Are you registered to vote? yes

16. Who did you want to win Big Brother? ummmmmmm, i don't care

17. Where do you live now? in my apartment

18. Describe your birthday see here lol

19. What’s one thing you thought you’d never do, but did in 2009? got engaged... seriously, I really never thought I would

20. What has been your favorite moment? there are so many amazing moments, but to pick just one i would say the day that steve said that he loved me :)

21. What’s something you learned about yourself? I can be really selfish, and I am trying so hard not to be

22. Any new additions to your family? does steve count? ;)

23. What was your best month? summer as a whole was pretty spectacular

24. What was your worst month? most likely february, it always is ha!

25. What music will you remember 2009 by? party in the usa by miley cyrus unfortunately

26. Who has been your best drinking buddy? melissa for sure, we <3 our sparkling grape juice and frappes :D

27. Made new friends? most definitely, and a lot that i never would have expected that i've met because of steve :)

28. Lost friends? none that i've lost so much as maybe am just not in touch with as much anymore

29. Favorite night out? when we've had girls nights at Andreas

30. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? still happy :) happier about some things for sure though
ii. thinner or fatter? Thinner, though it would be nice to be even moreso!
iii. richer or poorer? not really sure about that. maybe i have more money, but to say richer may be a stretch lol

31. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? there are quite a few prominent dates from this year, but I would say August 29th the day I met steve is one that I will never forget :)

Jingle bell run

About a month ago I decided it was time to start getting serious about running again. Especially since I began going to Crossfit with Andrea. I've been doing Crossfit 2 days a week and then supplementing the other days with running, so all in all I've been working out 3-4 times a week, woohoo!

And that my friends is probably the only reason I haven't gained 100 pounds due to the cookie consumption that has occurred this month!

It's always easier to get up in the morning and get going when you have someone waiting for you. Expecting you to get your booty out of bed since they had done the same for you! So my friend Holly and I decided that we would start running together with the purpose of running a 5K sometime soon. I heard about the jingle 5K and was super excited about doing that, but alas, that particular 5K was 2 days after we actually started running. Training time fail.

But I still wanted to tie jingle bells to my sneakers and do a jingle bell run, so last week when Melissa gave me jingle bells with my Christmas present I was all set to do a pre-Christmas jingle bell run! I took a couple over to Holly the next day and this morning we met to do our best run yet.





We're so on our way to running a 5K especially now that we're getting used to running in such cold temps! The coldest we've run so far was 10 degrees, that was really killer, I do not recommend doing that. Today we were up to almost 20, but still in the teens. Crazy, I know, but somehow it's so much fun!

I love my running buddy!

Yes it's true (part 3)

When I first began writing this story, I had no intention of breaking it into parts. However, I quite like the suspense that builds with each retelling of all the little details. Plus, who wants to sit and read about my love story for an hour straight? ;)

If you've missed any of this, you can catch up here (part 1) and here (part 2)

So where was I?... Ah yes, broken-hearted. Definitely a problem, for sure. As all of this had come out of the blue. I had no idea that my world would be turned upside down in just a matter of a few weeks. I went from preaching that I was totally fine on my own to on the verge of falling head over heels in love with someone who was loving me back even faster than I was falling myself!

After that first day spent apart, we began a streak of seeing each other so many consecutive days in a row that I started counting the days we hadn't seen each other *grin*

On day 15 he said to me, "Is it too soon to say I love you?" And while I was surprised to hear those words come out of his mouth, I smiled so wide if I'd left it that way, my face would have hurt! I told him, "no, not if you mean it..." And we did.

Who ever said there was a time limit on love anyways? There was no question in my heart that I loved him. I felt, socially, that our time-line was progressing at a dangerous speed, but there were no red flags other than what I felt other people were thinking. And I've definitely never been one to change my mind based soley on other people's judgements.

When I would sit and pray and still my heart before the Lord, I felt so much peace. No apprehension, no laying awake so long at night my stomach began to hurt, no unrest at the fact that the tight grasp I had maintained on my heart was loosening just enough to let someone else have a chance to see it...

The only part about it all that made me apprehensive was the fact that people around me would joke about marriage, when I felt completely unable to joke with Steve about it. It wasn't a joke to me... I mean, girls get laughs out of implicating themselves and others in "perfect relationships" and projecting their thoughts onto friends of what their weddings will look like, but for the first time in my life, I had no desire to do any of that with my friends. If I was going to talk marriage, I wanted to talk to him... which is most definitely, a good thing :)

After a whole 3 weeks of dating, we sat down and had *the* conversation about marriage. Neither of us saw or felt any reason to remain in the transition of dating indefinitely and decided that we would keep moving forward in our relationship regardless of what the time-line looked like.

The morning after that conversation, I told Melissa that she could talk to him about ring shopping... to which my response came from Steve in a text message saying something like, "I'm getting a 4 page text from Melissa right now lol!" Oh Melissa... :)

to be continued...

Yes it's true (part 2)

He had already asked me where I wanted to go for my birthday dinner and I picked one of my favorite restaurants, Aladdin. When we were done, Andrea called to tell me she had finished baking me a flourless chocolate cake so we headed over to pick it up. That cake was so yumtastic, however, the combination of extreme chocolate and espresso was not a happy one for sleep that night so I didn't eat much.

We still had a lot of evening left, so decided to watch a movie and then he was headed out. Just before he was about to leave he asked me if I would go out with him and before I could even think twice I was both feet in. I knew my answer was yes and any questions or doubts I had been having disappeared at that moment.

The next day was a whirlwind. Let me just say that I am SO glad that I will never have to live out another day like that. I was getting phone calls like crazy, people who were in shock about the fact that I had seeming no love interest and then all of a sudden appear to be in a relationship after almost 7 years of no dating. By the end of the day I was kind of a mess. I was freaking out, wondering what I had gotten myself into, where was this going and what happens if this doesn't work. What if being in a relationship just wasn't for me?

I'm being brutally honest here, because honestly, I think too many people think that finding someone to love is the be all end all. I didn't think that. I was scared and a little freaked out that the way I was used to living my life would go out the window. And I just wasn't sure I was willing to give that up.

That first day after he asked me to date him was the longest we've spent apart since then. And it was indeed probably the worst albeit most productive time spent apart so far. Worst because I was left to my own crazy thoughts and over-analytical mind. Most productive because I had the opportunity to let all my fears rise to the surface and face them.

What it boiled down to was that I was seeing how good Steve would be to me and for me. and that to try and live my life without him at that point would truly break my heart.

to be continued...

I went to Narnia

and I have a picture to prove it



make-believe is SO not overrated...

santa's helpers

nuff said.

Yes it's true (part 1)

I got engaged!

And some may think that my delay in posting all the details about this reflects my excitement on the mattter, but that is just not the case let me assure you :)

It was 3 weeks ago today, but the whole story began about 4 months ago. Crazy how much (but really how little) time has gone by!

I met Steve through my friend Andrea at the end of August. He is a photographer and has equipment that neither myself or Andrea has... and I was in need of some help for a wedding I was shooting. So I got his number and gave him a call out of the blue to ask if I could rent some camera equipment... all details of that aside, fast forward a week or so and we had started hanging out occasionally. He was a cool guy, and I could see him being a really good friend to me. I like friends, always good to find new ones :) right?

In the middle of September, I went to Vermont with Andrea and her two girls. My texting far surpassed any records I had previously reached that trip. I felt bad on the one hand that I was texting soooo much, seriously, how rude could I be? ;) But i didn't care at the same time. I was getting to know this guy and really starting to like him. We were connecting and joking and I was really enjoying having the "company" all the time :)

By the time we came back from Vermont, I was thinking that having a relationship with someone that was mainly via text message was totally unacceptable. I needed to hang out with him more, or not be friends. Because I didn't want to pour my time into something that wasn't real.

So hang out we did.

I was totally torn. Because as much as I didn't want to admit it, I was developing feelings for him and I had done this too many times before where the other didn't reciprocate that I just didn't want to go there again. So I convinced myself that I didn't like him. And that I needed to tell him so.

Thankfully, my mom, the voice of reason in my life, gave me sage advice telling me that I needed to make sure of my feelings before I went and told him I didn't have any. I could ruin a really good friendship...

I chewed on that for a day or so... And finally thought, who am I kidding? I totally like this guy. And it would totally break my heart to not have him in my life. I was done for...

But where was he in all of this? I had no clue how he felt. I thought that he was interested because of the amount of time he would spend talking to me over text and then when we would hang out etc, but in the back of my mind I kept telling myself that he probably talks to everyone just the same, and I'm just another girl blah blah blah.

Turns out I was wrong :) And I'm so glad I was

On October 5th Steve's grandpa died. When he told me, I asked him when the funeral or the calling hours were so that I could come show support. Turned out, the calling hours were for family only... but he would like if I could come... And it would be easier for us to go together because after the calling hours, there was the funeral, the burial and the wake. So it would make sense to just do it all. At first my mouth was just hanging open. I thought, are you kidding me? I just wanted to be there for you in any way I could, I didn't expect to be initiated into his family via a funeral, especially since neither of us had expressed feelings for each other.

Well, the day came and went and at the restaurant we had the wake at, his dad openly welcomed me into the family and said how happy he was that Steve and I were becoming such good friends.

In the back of my mind, I feel like this should have stereotypically freaked me out. But it didn't. I was so comfortable with everything. I was happy that his dad said that... it made me feel so wanted! And it also made me think that maybe I wasn't a crazy woman thinking that I had feelings he didn't share with me.

Later that evening we went for a walk and between the pounding in my ears and my absolutely dry mouth I said something like this, "so, your whole family thinks we're together..." to which he responded by saying something like, "well, I told them we were friends." At that point, I freaked out inside for about 10.2 seconds thinking WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!? WE JUST SPENT THE WHOLE DAY TOGETHER AT A FAMILY FUNCTION AND WE'RE JUST FRIENDS?!?!?!!?!

I calmed down though enough to think more *ahem* rationally, and decided that if he wanted to talk to me about this, that he would. And i needed to just let it go.

Later on still, he asked me what I was going to be doing the next day for my birthday, and I told him that my mom and melissa were coming over and we were going for lunch and that was about it. He asked if I wanted to go to dinner to celebrate, so I said that yes, of course I would like that :)

Aaaall day long I wondered if this was a real date or if this was him just being a good friend. When he showed up that night with flowers and a birthday present, I was like umm, yes, this is a real date :)

to be continued...

the bathroom is my favorite

Why does that sound so wrong?

It's true though. Ever since I moved into this apartment, the bathroom has been my favorite... I think honestly it's because of the wallpaper. It's vintage and eccentric at the same time. So I decided this morning, with the lovely light streaming in through the window that I would begin the tour of my little apartment. And since I'm still waiting on prints for the wall in my living room, I figured since the bathroom was done I'd start there :)



This is the view from the doorway. The flowers that Steve brought me Monday I decided to separate into 2 vases so that I could enjoy them both in the kitchen and in here :) Putting them in there made me want to make this bathroom all white and pink. I get excited easily ;)

And do you see that space between the sink and the wall where the trash is? That space was created by the devil. There is no way to reach all the way to the floor to clean in there and because of that pipe, there's no way to get in there from the front! It is a nightmare trying to clean that spot.



For some reason when they renovated this house into apartments, they decided to go the el cheapo route and install stand-only showers when there was clearly enough room for a full bath. However, I like the open space... what I don't like, is shaving my legs in the sink because the showers too small to hoist my leg up and shave with my knee in my chest.



I went back and forth on whether or not to get a shower curtain that wasn't just the liner for quite some time. But then I found these hooks that I've had for like ever that I bought on clearance at walmart.

So on the days that I'm not wanting to decorate everything in white and pink, I want to decorate everything with a hawaiian feel using these hooks as inspiration... someday I'll have enough rooms to do all this stuff!



On my night table I have this lamp that I keep on 24/7. It gives off just the right amount of light in there and makes everything feel warm. Not that I have any trouble staying warm in this apartment... I do not control the thermostat and my utilities are included in the rent... yesterday it was 85 degrees in here.



Is it wrong to want to marry wallpaper? Cuz I seriously love this wallpaper so much that I would consider it.



This cupboard has been awarded "most improved fixture" award. Originally it was a dingy yellow-ey peach color and the inside was coated with a hideous floral contact paper, that was in fact browned from possibly cigarette smoke? Or cooking grease? (ps who uses straight up grease anyways?) But there was for sure grease all over that bathroom. I had to scrub the ceiling with a sponge. gag.ma.tos.tic. However, this little cupboard was redeemed with a paint scraper and a fresh coat of white semi-gloss. It now holds my toilet paper... hey, someone's gotta do it.

So there you have it! The tour of my bathroom has come to an end. I will have more tours as the months weeks go by but I have to finish up my projects. And they will get done.

because he loves me

I could go on and on why I love these flowers...



but really, the only reason that matters is that he brought them to me :) Let's not even talk about the fact that they're green dahlias and they just happen to be my favorite right now... and he remembered that :)



*sigh* flowers in the winter make me smile... who am I kidding, flowers anytime of the year make me smile :)

do you hear what I hear?

As you may have noticed, by about oh say NOVEMBER 1st, I had already failed NaBloPoMo. I tried though, I mean, even if it wasn't going to be 30 posts in 30 days, I wanted to come darn close. And up until the 18th I was doing "ok" *ahem*

That's enough said about that. I have missed so many things in my blogging absence. Seriously, why have a blog if you're not going to blog? It adds stress to my life when i DON'T. So I do. Or at least in my head i do...

Today I had a family photoshoot out in bloomfield... which brings me to the real part of this post. Yesterday came the abrupt end to our indian summer when the fierce lake effect snow from lake erie blew in across our region. I like snow... when I don't have to get anywhere near it. It is quite pretty though, and while I was driving along the back country roads on my way back from the shoot, I passed by some very beautiful horses chowin' some hay. I decided to turn around and go back figuring that on this narrow back road, as dangerous as it might be to turn around in snow and ice, there would surely be no cars coming the other direction. Turns out I was wrong... and escaped a near mishap in my quest to photograph a horse.



They were very nice horses. Enjoying standing in the snow about as much as I was. If it weren't for the fence between us, which i realized after touching it that it was probably electric and just wasn't on *at the moment* they would have licked my hand.



I'm having a dilemma with these pictures though. Normally I don't vacillate so much when editing photos, but this time I am. So you can help me out. I put them side by side in both color and very lightly toned bw





What do you think?

I kinda think that he's asking me "do you hear what I hear?" I could be wrong... but i swear i heard him say that...