Monday, December 21, 2009

Yes it's true (part 2)

He had already asked me where I wanted to go for my birthday dinner and I picked one of my favorite restaurants, Aladdin. When we were done, Andrea called to tell me she had finished baking me a flourless chocolate cake so we headed over to pick it up. That cake was so yumtastic, however, the combination of extreme chocolate and espresso was not a happy one for sleep that night so I didn't eat much.

We still had a lot of evening left, so decided to watch a movie and then he was headed out. Just before he was about to leave he asked me if I would go out with him and before I could even think twice I was both feet in. I knew my answer was yes and any questions or doubts I had been having disappeared at that moment.

The next day was a whirlwind. Let me just say that I am SO glad that I will never have to live out another day like that. I was getting phone calls like crazy, people who were in shock about the fact that I had seeming no love interest and then all of a sudden appear to be in a relationship after almost 7 years of no dating. By the end of the day I was kind of a mess. I was freaking out, wondering what I had gotten myself into, where was this going and what happens if this doesn't work. What if being in a relationship just wasn't for me?

I'm being brutally honest here, because honestly, I think too many people think that finding someone to love is the be all end all. I didn't think that. I was scared and a little freaked out that the way I was used to living my life would go out the window. And I just wasn't sure I was willing to give that up.

That first day after he asked me to date him was the longest we've spent apart since then. And it was indeed probably the worst albeit most productive time spent apart so far. Worst because I was left to my own crazy thoughts and over-analytical mind. Most productive because I had the opportunity to let all my fears rise to the surface and face them.

What it boiled down to was that I was seeing how good Steve would be to me and for me. and that to try and live my life without him at that point would truly break my heart.

to be continued...


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