I'm still pregnant and that's ok

You know how it works. As you go through life and watch others handle their own, you silently make your own resolutions about how you would do things different/better. I'm not even talking about being judgemental, I'm talking more about learning from other people's likes and dislikes what you like or dislike yourself.

Well, for me, documenting my pregnancy was one of those things I was sure I would be stellar at. Oh yes, I would take adorable belly shots and blog about sentimental things all the time and all that jazz. Well, at 39 weeks and 5 days I certainly feel like a failure in that department!

The truth is, whenever I felt the need to take a picture (which would be only on a day that I weighed myself and felt that it was appropriate and also HAD to be on a day that coincided with the change of a new week, ie exactly 17 weeks, not 17+4 or something like that) Yes, I'm a little OCD like that. So basically, most pictures have been taken spur of the moment, not all cutesie tootsie like I had in mind... and whatever. Who cares? At least I took pictures.

Anyways, the other thing I feel somewhat bad about is that I didn't document all the different stages etc. I guess I never felt like it because I honestly felt like crap for so long I was sick of complaining and that seemed like just one more way to complain. I threw up consistently through 7 months. Then it tapered off to more like a couple times a month, and still, that's the case. But at least I don't feel nauseous. It's all business here, get it done and over with and then I feel fine. And really, who wants to hear a daily log of how I threw up, again.

There are a lot of things I have enjoyed while being pregnant. The truth is, I can't honestly say I enjoy getting and being sick, but it's a constant reminder that better days are ahead. I've wanted this baby for my whole life. Dreamt of what it would be like to have and hold this beautiful creation... as well as the days of angst and strife that necessarily come along with parenting ;) I want it all! Really. So that's helped me keep it in perspective.

I've enjoyed dreaming up her nursery and making that a reality as well as choosing her name and preparing my heart and home for her. Watching Steve grow to love this little baby we can't actually see has been quite honestly one of my favorite parts of being married so far. I really don't understand at this point why people would be so cautious to bring children into a loving relationship, because so far it's only made us love each other more... and appreciate what we have together. I know that with the arrival of this new little one I am going to be thankful that I have a constant reminder of the love we share... yes, I'm a total sap like that :)

Anyways, this is the part where I tell you how I thought I was in labor last week. On Wednesday I was throwing up and had diarrhea as well as an extreme need to nest. I got everything that wasn't ready, ready. I did laundry, packed what I needed for the hospital, shaved my legs (let me tell you, that was interesting) brought the car seat down (which Steve later put in the car) and was like BAM, I am ready to go!

We even put the bassinet in our room and when I went to bed that night, this is what I found curled up in there ;)



It was a week early though! Could it really be? Well, I also had visited the chiropracter that afternoon and thought, well if she's ready to come out, this will certainly set it off. Thursday afternoon, I went out shopping with my mom. For things like toilet paper and crackers. The essentials ya know? My mom was with me and kept commenting on how it was making her uncomfortable watching me walk... LOL. I was having lots and lots of braxton hicks, but that is common for when I walk around a lot. I started noticing a little later on that my lower back was hurting along with the bh contractions. And I thought hmmmm... that could actually be a sign I'm in early labor.

So, I called my midwife and gave her a heads up that maybe possibly I could be. She told me that if I wanted to come in and get checked that I could, but I really didn't. I wanted to wait until I was more sure... and I already had a scheduled appointment for the next morning. I figured I'd just wait until then.

We decided by bedtime to give my mother in law a call to update her since she lives about 5 hours away and let her know things may be getting a move on. She was very excited, as this is in fact her first grandchild and immediately drove out here! Well, I went to the midwife in the morning, still having bh but my back was not so sore anymore. And I thought well, maybe it's waning down, who knows. Turns out I had been progressing at least somewhat, I was dilated about 1.5 cm and almost completely effaced, I lost my mucus plug and all that. But by friday night, nada. There wasn't a blessed thing going on. So by sunday evening, my mother in law decided to head back home and save her vacation time for when baby actually does arrive :) I am glad, because now, thursday, I would have been sad to see her not have any time left to spend with the baby!



This is from yesterday, 39w4d. And btw I don't think it's actually possible that I could drop any lower. I carried low my whole pregnancy, but at this point, I just don't see how lower is physically possible... ha!

So like I said, it's now thursday and nothing is going on. Just waiting :) I am happy to wait, because I know that someday I will miss her little body flipping about inside of mine, but at the same time, I'll be happy to hold her in my arms :)