Monday, April 20, 2009

reprioritizing

Lately i've been working on transitioning my life in a lot of ways and feeling the burden of a lot of other things as I do so.

- I'm preparing to take on my business full-time
- really working at getting my body more healthy
- getting ready for melissa's wedding (who am i kidding, if i think that is a transition for me what the heck is it to her then!)
- working with the youth group
- working in general

while that list looks quite small, it takes up most all of my brain space.

This creates a problem. I unfortunately am letting a few things fall between the cracks... mainly, my spiritual life. My walk with God.

I have been thinking for literally weeks now that I am doing so well focusing on just a few things, that if I try to add anything else in (including God) I will fail... at something.

Who am I kidding?

Seriously.

How do I suppose I have gotten to the place where I am today. It is incomprehensible to me to try and understand how the gifts I have inside of me burning a hole through every part of my life have not been given to me by God.

How could I think that the person I am is not affected by the God who created me?

I feel like a loser for thinking that one of the things I could "cut out" would be God. I know God doesn't think I'm a loser, because I am confident (and I earnestly mean that) that He is understanding of my downfalls and is still there when I get my head screwed on straight.

If i've learned anything through the discipline it's taken to get my butt off the couch and run it's been that it's exactly that.

Discipline.

At first, I would run everyday. Because I was afraid if I didn't, I would quit. Or i would lose momentum and not be able to get back on. It's been 9 weeks and I have gone from barely being able to run 30 seconds at a time to running almost 3 miles yesterday!

I look forward to running now! I love the feeling of being outdoors and going and going and going. I feel like nothing can stop me and I am so confident that what I'm doing is good for my mind, body and dare I say it, my soul.

Enough is enough. I know that I possess the discipline it takes to be close to God. and walking with God isn't a discipline once you get past the point of waiting in the silence. There is only so much silence before you start to hear... So, that's it. Choosing the life of a Christian is not something I do only as a religious conviction, although I know that being a Christian gives me a moral compass that I would truly be a mess without...

It's about getting to know the One who gave me desire. Passion. Energy. Ideas and creativity.

And that's pretty much it. Getting to know Him... because without Him, I'm nothing.


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5 extraordinary comments:

Melissa April 20, 2009 at 11:01 PM  

It didn't really "hit" me till I read that. I cannot believe it. I'm getting married. wow.

Melissa April 20, 2009 at 11:01 PM  

that's so crazy!!!

Lauren W April 21, 2009 at 9:46 AM  

It's funny how easy it is to let that oh so important piece get shoved aside. Thanks for the reminder :)

G. April 22, 2009 at 12:44 AM  

very wise for a young'en. You are not a loser- just normal. we all go through stuff like that at one time or another. Congrats on the running. I've been trying to get into running for some cardio...any tips on how to start without falling over dead?

Becky D April 23, 2009 at 9:26 PM  

I know how you feel...it seems like every time I cut God out, I get more stressed, overwhelmed and can't focus. After a couple days, I realize duh, I haven't had a quiet time lately...it's nice of God to remind me that without Him, I would loose my mind...

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