blessed

I began writing this post over 4 months ago and didn't have the ability to finish it well... sometimes this kind of thing just has to sit and marinate for awhile... but here it is now :)

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I've been so blessed by the comments received on my wedding invitations. I can tell you with much sincerity that our hearts are written out in those invitations. Steve and I are so amazed at what God has given us in these past few months as we've moved from meeting, to dating, to engagement and now soon to marriage. Our relationship has bloomed from hesitant hellos to loving embraces and I stand in complete awe at how gracious God is to show me such true and honest love.

What I want to write about though is more of a rabbit trail off this topic. Though it very much relates to my relationship with Steve and the promises of God. I may go on a couple tangents here but if you care to see this through to the end I hope to wrap up in a way that brings hope to the hurting.

So I begin...

I had always believed from the bottom of my heart that my Grandma Boss would be alive to see my first baby. And in preparation for that she made a baby blanket for that day.

I never saw that blanket, but I know it's there... even though Grandma isn't anymore. When the day comes for me to receive that blanket I know I'll totally lose it as it will be the way that Grandma shares that day with me. I loved all of my grandparents, but I had a very special bond with my Grandma Boss.

She and my Grandpa moved into live with my family in 1996. Grandpa passed away in the summer of '98 but Grandma stayed with us. She was a constant in our home. A quiet woman, with words that would throw you off every now and again. She kept us on our toes determined to retain her identity even with weakening bones from osteoporosis and several bouts with breast cancer. She was always cleaning her apartment, having her friends over and cooking her own meals... climbing on counters to reach the top shelf (until my mom would catch her and beg her to ask someone to help her do those things!) She was fiesty but you would never know it to look at her. She prayed daily. We knew that if Grandma Boss was praying for it, it would happen. She knew the Lord and He knew her. My mom has spent many mornings in the chair she used to pray in waiting on the Lord knowing he had met Grandma there so many times before.

When she passed away in February 2006, through tears, we celebrated knowing she was once again with her love and safe in the arms of Jesus. At her funeral we did everything we knew she would want but never ask for.

OK, now, that was not all irrelevant, but mostly I said all that to tell you about her favorite song. An old hymn, His Eye Is On The Sparrow.

In April of this year Steve and I went to a marriage conference that my parents had given us tickets to as a Christmas gift. I was skeptical at first because quite honestly the fact that we weren't married yet and my pre-conceived notions about marriage conferences being for people who had problems in their marriage ran around in my head. I had no idea what to expect, but what we experienced that weekend was truly inspiring. I saw that yes, people who have problems in their marriage could very well benefit from a conference such as the one we attended, but at the same time, if more couples attended them while not having problems they may be able to head them off before they start!

It was full of fun stories from the speakers and great resources and activities that we did together. It wasn't awkward at all... except when the one couple we knew there that was from our church started making comments about our future sex life... however, NOT the conference's problem ;)

During one of the sessions the speaker told a moving story about how he was able to connect with the amazing grace and love that God pours over us and it was through a song. I realized as the first note passed over his lips that it was His Eye is on the Sparrow, and tears began to roll from my eyes. It wasn't the person singing the song but what he said about it... and the message the song brings.

I realized in that same moment that on our wedding invitations was the small symbol in the form of a sparrow... and my heart felt light.

When I began the process of working on a design for our invitations, I told Maureen (my friend who made them) that my desire was to be able to incorporate something about my grandma that noone would really catch on to but that I would always know was there. I wanted her to be a part of our day...

And as I received comments from my lovely readers saying that they loved the sparrow it still had not clicked. When I heard the speaker sing that song it all hit at once.

I found that His eye really is on the sparrow looking after my deepest thoughts, hopes and desires. And I knew in my heart that on our wedding day my Grandma was able to be right there with us in spirit.

So although it was an unintentional detail, I was so unbelievably reminded of God's supernatural love and ability to watch over even the smallest things. Here are the words to the wonderful hymn...

1. Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
   Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heav’n and home,
   When Jesus is my portion? My constant Friend is He:
   His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
   His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
   • Refrain:
     I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free,
     For His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
2. “Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
   And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
   Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
   His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
   His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
3. Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
   When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
   I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
   His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
   His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.