Saturday, August 23, 2008

I don't "feel" God

Before I went to Mexico, I did a lot of thinking about what I expected to get from the trip. I knew that it would be a great time with a lot of people I was close with. That we would get to reach out to the people down there and pray with them, share with them... etc.

But what I was unsure about was how my emotions were going to react.

Last year I went to India.

It was my first time *ever* travelling internationally, and I was helping to orchestre the travel plans for 19 people.

Hmmm... that doesn't sound like a relaxing time.

It wasn't. In fact, we ended up having serious travel problems that all began with our very first flight being cancelled.

It took us 105 hours to travel what should have taken about 40.

By the time we got there, I was so unbelievably stressed out that I didn't know how to react to anything. Add in the culture shock and I was a complete mess.

Don't get me wrong, my experiences were amazing, and I saw God move over there through us and others in ways I'd never seen before.

However, my emotions were going NUTS! I was a ball of stress... my hair started falling out (literally), I barely slept... I was a mess.

So my first extreme missions experience was just that. Extreme.

It occurred to me shortly after coming home from India that although the trip was unforgettable and really great, I never wanted to do that again. Specifically, I never wanted my emotions and stress levels to get that crazy.

So when I began to think about Mexico and what it held, I started to think about how I was going to deal with the reality that I am very much led by my emotions. I needed to chillax and take some time to recognize that I don't have to feel everything to make it real.

You see, I'm the kind of person where even if i hear someone tell me something a hundred times, I still may not believe it. It sounds pathetic, but I need that constant affirmation. I am learning to deal with it, but it can cause some real insecurity.

Therefore, I have found that when I am not having an emotional experience, I tend to disregard the power of our extraordinary God.

I knew that this was a problem for me, and I specfically decided that I was not going to put God in a box.

I had to realize that whether or not I felt God moving or not was irrelevant.

He still lives and moves among us.

I have never seen God.

I have never seen an angel.

I have never seen a demon.

But I have seen this.

Cancerous tumors physically shrink.

Hair grow back on a lady who had bald spots all over her head.

A little girl who couldn't walk because of a tumor get up and start running all over the place.

Broken hearts healed...

It brings tears to my eyes when I think back on these things... I am seriously tearing up as I write...

My point is this.

God doesn't fit our view of Him.

He's most defintely not hiding Himself from us... but sometimes the places we are looking are too limited...

I see God everyday now.

But I still don't "feel" Him.

I don't know about you, where you're at, what your situation is. But I know that in my life, I've found that when I ask God a question, or for Him to help me with something... the answer isn't how I would always imagine it to be.

I don't hear a booming voice from Heaven...

I don't get this crazy emotional entranced experience where I have a "tada" moment and suddenly know what to do.

Sometimes, the answer comes from someone else's mouth... or a thought that comes to mind...

God is always there...

But he's not always a "feeling"

I'm learning how to see God everywhere I go and in all the things I do. It's amazing to me how much I limit myself and God in everyday life.

Just because I can't feel Him... doesn't mean He's not there.


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4 extraordinary comments:

Susan August 23, 2008 at 9:30 PM  

What a wonderful, reflective post. It is so true that God doesn't always answer us the way we want him to, but He does always answer us. And, He is always present with us...what a great promise!
I enjoyed that reminder today.

Melissa August 23, 2008 at 10:36 PM  

exactly. And even in the times you get discouraged, you've got friends to help you. To stand in the gap, and make sure you never get too far away from God.

I love you slakes! :-D

Tracy August 24, 2008 at 8:29 PM  

I've never felt it. I heard this once "If I can see it and I can feel it, then I believe." It sort of echoes my life. I revere nature because it's always there. Anything else is speculation as far as I'm concerned and although I will never say anyone else is wrong because I don't know, it's not my thing.

And I think that's ok. :)

Jyl at Mommy Gossip August 26, 2008 at 8:55 PM  

This is beautiful! I am going to refer a good friend of mine here. She is really going through a tough time and would love to read this uplifting post. I think you would like one I posted on my site called "Are you There, God?" It is in the archives. From my son... very short, but very sweet.

I look forward to jumping back on your site to hear more amazing insights like these.

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