Friday, August 8, 2008

The *littletalkedaboutoutsidetheboundariesofmyyard* LIFE

327 cans of beer on the wall, 327 cans of beeeeeer!

Take three down, pass 'em around!

324 cans of beer on the wall!

That number *327* was how many cans of beer the newest tenant at the apartment building next to my house drank on his recent trip to the Adirondacks.

Let me give you the stats, so that you can have a more clear picture of what went on.

They were gone for 3 days (a weekend)

There were 2 and a half guys actually drinking the beer (because the 3rd one only drank 6 or 7 cans) and they weren't lying, because they brought the cans home.

That's (if the 3rd guy did indeed only drink 6 to 7 cans) 160 beers per person.

And 53.3 cans a day.

Welcome to the *littletalkedaboutoutsidetheboundariesofmyyard* LIFE.

We are convinced that the antenna on top of the roof of that apartment building is not for the purpose of acquiring a television signal. It has an alternative purpose, and that is to attract *the crazies*

They seriously come out of the woodwork. There is a guy (the one who drinks all the beer) who hails from Colorado I believe. He moved here maybe 6 months ago, and now has 3 brothers all living in the same vicinity!

Come on people, I live in smalltown NY. It's not even cheap to live here! I swear that thing is a sonar device.

But I digress. The reason and the root of this particular post are the current happenings occurring (as I write) on the back porch of said building.

I went out to eat dinner with my folks tonight to the sound of "I'm your lady" by Celine Dion BLARING out one of the windows. It happened to be coming from the window of possibly the only sane person living in that building (heretofore known as Irish*), and I was honestly surprised that

a) he would be listening to Celine and

b) it would be BLASTING out the window.

So my parents and I speculated for awhile, wondering what might be the cause of this kind of misplaced behaviour.

We thought that maybe it was a phase...

maybe he had a rough day...

maybe he was doing it to annoy the drunk people in the back...

Further into our meal, he came out and joined us... immediately revealing the reason behind the music.

We guessed right... on the third try. It was in fact, for the sole purpose of annoying the people in the back yard getting drunk. Again.

I informed him that if he REALLY wanted to annoy them, that he should be playing some "Jesus music" To which he responded, "oh trust me, if I had some I would be!"

I was quick to remedy the situation and pulled out a copy of the Jonathan Stockstill cd I had in one of the cd players.

It is currently blaring out his window.

There is too much to detail as I try to outline the happenings at the house next door... so I'm sticking to the beer stories. I may possibly expound upon this on a later post, but we'll see.

My favorite part of this crew getting drunk out back every night is that they have taken to lining up the beer cans along the bottom of their porch railing and trying to stack them all the way up to the top part of the railing.

However, their efforts are spoiled each morning and they have to start over every day.

Another guy who lives in the building collects all the beer cans every morning and returns them for the deposit.

They need to either

a) start drinking more at a time so they can fill in the railing or

b) master the art of not passing out before they can safely secure their cans in a place where Stan* can't get to them

Either way, it's a sad state.

We challenged Irish (who claims to live at 61 1/2) to begin his own blog on the state of affairs at 61 (the name we use for the building) However, he currently does not have a computer. Sadness.

In the event that he acquires one though, he will be beginning a more thorough account of what goes on over there. After all, most of my information is 2nd, if not 3rd hand. If he does create such a blog, you can trust me to let you know, as I'm sure you're all dying to know more about this part of my *littletalkedaboutoutsidetheboundariesofmyyard* LIFE.

* name has been changed to protect the innocent.


8 extraordinary comments:

Chelle August 8, 2008 at 10:25 PM  

Okay, first, LOVE the story! Not how annoying the beer drinkers are, but how you describe it. And I am sooo singing Celine right now...thankyouverymuch :)
I hope Irish* gets a computer. I would love to hear these stories!
Sorry they are sucky, crazy neighbors. Nobody deserves that!! They should have complexes all to themselves so they can all meet, love one another and never want to live anywhere else. Again :)

Dana August 9, 2008 at 7:11 PM  

Wow, it's really too bad that you can't pick your neighbors, huh? Really, landlords need to implement some sort of interview by the neighbora, and 90 eviction policy. That way if they are really crappy neighbors they can kick them out!
Great story though. If there weren't drunk people in the world, what would we talk about?????

Mamasphere August 10, 2008 at 12:41 PM  

This is hilarious! For us, though, not so sure it's all that funny for you, having to live next to that, lol.

We thought by buying a nice condo we'd escape the crazies, but it didn't happen. Our neighbor's daughter likes to smoke pot on her back patio and yell really loudly into her phone about all her latest drama, every other word a cuss word. My daughter can't nap in her room for all the smoke floating in the window.

I hope your neighbor does get a computer, but for now, your 2nd/3rd hand accounts are pretty darn enterataining!

Anonymous August 10, 2008 at 1:13 PM  

Mine is much worse! I live next door to... wait for it...


It's a nightmare. :P

Kelli August 10, 2008 at 9:23 PM  

Ugh! Bad neighbors are the pits! We used to have some people on the corner whose dogs barked all day and all kidding. Loud, awful, ferocious sounding barks. It was so annoying. When they finally moved away, my husband and I went out to dinner to celebrate. Keep playing the music...hopefully they'll move away too, or better yet, be inspired by the Christian music to change their ways. haha!

Sgt and Mrs Hub August 11, 2008 at 12:12 AM  

Okay... that's A LOT of beer. Their poor kidneys and liver and entire insides. Not only is that a lot of beer, that's a lot of money and quite frankly it is all just gross.

The whole "Stan" thing... HILARIOUS!! That guy is bankin'!


G. August 12, 2008 at 10:42 AM  

interesting neighbors. I think it's cool you had an opportunity to give him some of your "Jesus" music. Maybe it'll rub off on him...and the drunkards. :)

Melissa August 18, 2008 at 1:49 PM  

wow, thats....something.

Why are you protecting the innocent? he doesn't sound very innocent to me. In fact, he sounds like he's screaming for some attention! Why else would you get excited about talking about your redic amount of beer drinking!

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