Tuesday, December 30, 2008

last night...

oh how the wind blew... it blew and blew

and I sat on the couch, *not* enjoying the sound as I knew I would soon have to go out in it.

it rattled the windows, and broke the hinge on the door.

It blew through the cracks and sent a chill up my spine.

I knew though, I would have to go out eventually.

I had 15 miles to drive home, and 50 feet to run to my car.

it crossed my mind, more than a few times, the thought of a mountain lion attacking me on the way to the car...

after all, according to *unnamed person* there have been wild mountain lions let loose around here to control the deer population.

the wind and the lions were not my only enemy last night...

No.

Something far more real, and definitely unexpected.

I made it to my car. Safely. With no mountain lion attacks, scratches or bite marks.

The wild chihuahuas stayed put for the night (claimed to populate upstate NY by the same *unnamed person*)

I was all but 3 miles from home...

And there it was.

In the road...

It blew and whipped.

at first glance it was a shadow...

and then it was not.

the formless void took shape...

and then it became clear.

It was a large... black...

garbage bag!

and my car crashed squarely into it.

the bag exploded and trash flew everywhere.

the rest of the drive home, I heard the remnants rattling underneath.

And this morning, I exited my house to find a large piece of plastic emerging from below...

fused to the undercarriage (go ahead, laugh because i used that word, I did)

upon my discovery, I laid down to dislodge it, but the melted parts would remain intact.

I circled around back to see if any more had stowed away to find that the rear of the car was literally sprinkled with small shreds of garbage.

In short, last night, my enemy was not the obvious...

wind

mountain lion

wild chihuahua

No my friends.

it was a garbage bag.

a rogue waste receptacle.

I need to get to the car wash asap.

My car smells like burning plastic.


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6 extraordinary comments:

Amy Fichtner December 30, 2008 at 9:24 PM  

O, thanks for the laugh, I needed that. I was really expecting you to say something like a bear or a tornado and then you said.....A Trashbag!!! Thanks!!

Smiling Sal :) December 31, 2008 at 10:52 AM  

You're good, Amanda!!! You always put a smile on my face!! :) Happy New Year!!

Anonymous December 31, 2008 at 6:35 PM  

Ok....this is worthy of commenting about....
I laughed hysterically through the whole thing!! Especially because it not only sounded like my "out of control" imagination....but like something that would happen to me!!! You kill me Amanda!!

Colleen

Susan January 1, 2009 at 9:28 PM  

Glad you survived your run-in with the evil garbage bag! So funny.

Melissa January 2, 2009 at 4:26 PM  

you. are. nuts.

And I love you :D

Alistar January 3, 2009 at 8:59 AM  

ahahahahaha this is probably your best piece of writing yet!

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