more self-reflection

I am doing a Bible study right now online, and tonight as i was reading through and answering the questions, this one came up. Sometimes i don't really think too hard about the questions, but this one really hit home for me, and brought forth some emotions that i didn't really know i had. The question was basically this:

Matthew 6:24 says you cannot serve two masters,
you will love the one and hate the other,
or be devoted to the one and despise the other.
if you continue in your sin, one of two things will eventually happen:
you will come to despise God, or repent of your sin.
have you ever come to the point where you hated God because of the sin you were in?

So i wrote my answer:

no, i can honestly say that i've never gotten to a place where i've hated God. i have always held a place in my heart that belongs to Him, but i have made so many mistakes throughout the years. this past year was a really good one for me in a lot of areas. i began to really grab hold of who God is in my life, and how i can let him be who he is and not who i think he should be. i am becoming comfortable in my skin and the fact that i'm not perfect. i've never been ok with that before. i felt that if i couldn't be perfect that God wouldn't want me. that he couldn't just keep forgiving me day after day... but what i've realized is that no matter how hard i try, i'm still not going to be perfect. so why waste my time punishing myself for the things that God took care of on the cross. i realize that God is so much bigger than me or my sin and he has forgiven so much... i could never hate him. he's saved my life, and i owe it to him to do my best... if that means giving up the sinful areas in my life so that i don't ever get to that place of hating him, then i can certainly do that.

I just felt i should share that with whoever reads this. It's so true that God has done so much for us. it's so awesome to be experiencing God the way that I am right now, and he is opening my eyes to see how much i was missing as i allowed certain sins to keep me from where i am now.

Yay God!